Orange Unsigned Act is a channel four talent competition - sort of like an X-Factor for bands and solo artists alike. Scouring the country for the most creative and innovative unsigned acts that our nation has to offer, they’re not fenced in by particular genres or categories, it’s a rock’n’roll Pop Idol baby!, or rather that’s what they like to think.

On the board of judges we have Mr Alex James of Blur. The sanctimonious, self-absorbed, know-nothing DJ, Jo Whiley. The Simon Cowell of the group, Simon Gavin. And finally, or though rather randomly, a woman who knows very little about anything, Lauren Laverne. And it’s these four individuals who scrutinise, shun and praise the countless acts who toddle onto the Orange stage at one point or another, giving them the go ahead or a big old thumbs down.

For starters, when this program began in 2007 the vomit-inducing, futile, image-obsessed wank stains that are Envy And Other Sins won. Big whoop. They were bad enough. In fact, during a festival in Birmingham one year I stole their rider just to teach them a lesson - no one likes your smug mugs or your ridiculously novelty on-stage lampshades, it’s not funny, it’s not clever, it’s simply inconvenient.

Then 2008 whizzed past as quickly as Envy And Other Sins had came, released a tosh record and then disappeared. Usually these things begin by saying the competition was fierce, but lets be honest, it was pretty weak. Bands entered stage left with as many peripheral frills and gob-shite gimmicks as a Lady GaGa video. Some were hailed as totally freaking awesome, others were not so lucky.

After a grilling final, that wasn’t in fact very grilling at all, a young Scottish chap by the name of Tommy Reilly became the not-so dignified winner. Apparently it was his acoustic-led, soft pennings that bowled Whiley and co. over, I however, am not so convinced.

After originally being sent his debut single, ‘Gimme A Call’, by a PR company, I was astounded at the sluggish slur of this typical teen whining his nuts off over some faint and deluded acoustic dribble with whingey lyrical sighs to match. In a time when every other spotty young’un dons a guitar and an aching heart, you’re going to have to be packing some serious heat to actually surface triumphant, and in this instance, it’s sadly not the case.

To transmit the sort of anti-charisma this little tedious dullard possesses I shall list a few quotes regarding his reaction to not only winning the ‘talent’ competition, but also to gaining a top 20 single…

Well that’s just wow isn’t it. It’s good to see this little number’s still as grounded and humble as ever. Come on Reilly! If there was ever a book of first-time interview clichés you would be bang up there with the publishing rights you happy-go-lucky, bland little chump.

I’m not saying that people need to be rude or uber thrilling, but this sounds to me an awful lot like a kicked-out semi finalist from Strictly Come Dancing. Monotonous, lacklustre, dreary and about as exciting as pleasuring yourself with a sack of broken glass and a bottle of white spirit in a pit of engulfed cacti.

It’s always tough writing something like this because obviously music is subjective and one persons heavenly musical saviour could be another’s Keane, so this isn’t about changing people’s opinions, it’s simply about me branding what I think is yet another glitch in the clogs of music. Where Reilly’s stripped-down acoustic tripe is receiving vast praise I stand bemused because why, when there are countless euphoric, talent-jammed bands out there, must we have to turn to a reality television show to find something good? It’s fucked up, and the honest truth is that no good band will ever come from a reality show like the drivel they show of Channel 4 because if they are a good band, with true heart and a soul devoted to the love of music, then they would never lower themselves to such twaddle. It’s bullshit. Jo Whiley’s bullshit. The whole god damn façade is a pile of smoking bullshit. And sorry, you’re a nice guy Tommy, but you’re not up to much and I’m afraid you’re just another flash of supposed talent soon to be extinguished by the approaching darkness of the music industry, enjoy it while it lasts, Oh! It’s gone.