Who thought the next pop starlet needed to sing songs about when "making love to my old boyfriend, I used to think about women sometimes", with lyrics such as "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick", is truly, utterly, beyond me. I almost choked on my mint imperial as I was driving. I don't understand how parents can complain about Britney's 'If You Seek Amy' and not comment on Gaga's overtly sexual message. Plus, what about Peaches? It's like Gaga has been trying to imitate her on a bubblegum pop backdrop?
Gaga's music baffles me. For someone so kooky, fresh and cool, it is recycled junk. She sings like a poor Christina Aguilera with some electronic effects and gyrates in a fashion reminiscent of Madonna circa 1992 (album: Erotica, book: Sex). If anybody can give me a genuine reason why listening to "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-poker face" repeatingly is attractive please contact me now. Her first single, 'Just Dance' made me feel extremely lost. What was I missing out?! Has no one noticed the dire lyrics? I don't even have that big a problem with mindless pop, but Gaga... attempting to be original in this process, upsets me deeply.
To compensate for the music, she has made herself the picture of wackiness. The truly heinous Kermit cape (you MUST Google that), sex slave masks, space orb headwear and generally everything else she wears make her look like a transsexual (there was mass talk of this, Google 'Lady Gaga' and 'Lady Gaga hermaphrodite will be the alternative suggestion). Someone else must realise that it is totally unhealthy to have a person of such poor taste seen by youth. How did anyone buy the 'I wear pants so my Granny can see me' excuses? People complained when their children attempted to dress like the Spice Girls, what about Gaga? Clearly, I am more old-fashioned than the mothers of today.
Gaga is a well-marketed, tea cup holding, whore-ish Amy Winehouse look-alike (Gaga admitted she dyes her hair blonde because she looks like Winehouse when brunette). Educated at the prestigious Convent of the Sacred Heart school (yes, somethingto put you off sending your children to Catholic school), is she simply pro-longing her teenage rebellion? Her arty efforts (oooh, well done, Hussein Chalayan bubble dress!) are something that I am clearly not edgy enough to understand.
Posted In I Just Don't Get, Aug 21 2009.
Words - Chloe