The Rumour Mill has burst into life once
again, with more exclusive comments from Michael Eavis regarding
this years Glastonbury Headliners

       

'We’ve really lucked out this year.’ Eavis said.  ‘I’ve got my first
choice for one of them, and not had to pander to Emily for once.  Jay-Z?!
Paul McCartney?!  The Who?! Who’s that more like! I don’t
even know half of these muppets she insists on booking.  But not 2009! This
is Mikey’s year. I’m abso-fucking-lutely delighted.’

      

Pushed further by our intrepid Gobshout News reporter as to the identity
of said headliner, Eavis said ‘listen, I’m not really supposed to talk about
it.  You know this.  All I’ll say is we’ve broken the bank for
this band; I’ve never paid so much for an artist!’

      

Pushed again, Eavis let slip: ‘I’m not going to tell you the name, but I’ll
give you something for you and your journo pals to wank over back in your
coffee room. But don’t come back to me tomorrow asking for more clues, ‘cos
it is a toughie!  You can work it out yourselves! Right… If you were bird
and needed a crime solved, these would be your guys.’

      

Half a second’s reflection later Gobshout News asked him if he was talking
about The Pigeon Detectives, upon which Eavis blushed a deep red, jumped
out of his seat, kicked our photographer in the balls and stormed out
the room.

      

Watching through the window, the last Gobshout News heard was him muttering
‘Emily’s going to fucking kill me’, before clambering into his Hummer and wheel-spinning
off.

Posted In Gobshout News, Feb 05 2009. Words - Karen