Somewhere, the Mad Scientist of Music was laughing...

For years he had strived to combine the elements of musical alchemy, of stealing essences from the greatest musical talents available to fuse them with others to create something abstractly wonderful. It was a long and tedious process, and it had led to the death of five assistant midgets and his favourite donkey, Wilbur, but finally he had cracked it. Not like last time, he mused, as he recalled the failed experiment that had turned out to be Klaxons, this time was the real thing. He poured out his ingredients from the vials/empty Evian bottles into his wok of choice, and marvelled at his findings. The soul of Morrissey, the joyfulness of Blur, the intricacies of Modest Mouse, the merest hint of The Specials. He glanced momentarily at the Snow Patrol vial. "Ha! They'll never sing a song with the line 'I'll take you to tranny town'". For long he had pondered band names, unable to come up with anything catchy or cool enough, until he one day emerged from his sleeping bag with The Incredible Flight Of Birdman. He spread his arms like wings as the elements mixed together, creating a gurgling noise akin to that of a tortoise crying. But as he outstretched his fingers, he just happened to touch another vial on the shelf, and watched in horror as it wobbled, and promptly fell into the primordial soup. He cursed in as many languages as he could muster, but his eyes grew wide in shock as he saw the label on the vial, just before it sank beneath the surface. "Bez."

Note: The relevance of Bez is only appropriate due to the way he steals the limelight through his actions. It does not insinuate that Nicholas of The Incredible Flight Of Birdman in any way, shape, or form dances like Bez, or indulges in the abuse that he has, but is meant in the form of, mostly, humour. I was unable to think of any other musical deity who commands as much attention through what can only be described as motion Tourettes. More on this later.

For many of us in life, we will never get to meet people who are our heroes. I will never meet Steven Gerrard (unless I decide to take control of the music in a nightclub he is in) or Pickles, the dog who found the World Cup, as he is most likely dead. I can only hope his owner was into taxidermy. However, having read the Planet Sound pages on Teletext for as long as I can remember (how I cursed when they changed pages) and had been thus influenced by their honest, just and downright entertaining take on music, I was aware of how much of what I listened to was due to them. When Teletext downsized and closed in December, and Planet Sound along with it, tears were shed. Every cloud does have a silver lining however, as John Earls, the man who was responsible for Planet Sound, had decided to form WET Records with Gareth Williams and Simon Taylor, two other like minded music types. Earls is nothing short of a legend in the PS circles, and many Voiders (the letters page was called The Void) would like to see him knighted. The first act of WET Records was to release a single by former demo-sender-in'ers The Incredible Flight Of Birdman, who Earls had rightly heaped praise on. Their launch night happened on January 11th, and luckily little old me had snuck in on the guest list to the Wilimington Arms. I also managed to meet John Earls, shake his hand, and not gush in the process. Whilst there I also interviewed the band, where I did gush, but just a little.

The Incredible Flight of Birdman are Nick Osbourne (frontman extraordinnaire), Rich Yates (lead axeman), Doug Stuart (insistent bass) and Rob Fisher (skin beater, in a brilliant musical way). Currently located in Cambridge, despite factions coming from Essex and Nick from Grimsby. Nick and Rich met at university, and began to write songs and short stories, one of which is where the band name comes from. Interviewing them is easy, as they are eager to talk, especially Nick, who answers almost everything with tongue-in-cheek banter of the highest level. For those keeping score for the below interview, GS = Gobshout, and the initials will be for each band member. Just so you don't get confused and think I am shouting NO before most answers.

GS: You are the first signings to WET Records, thanks to your Planet Sound demo, what advice have they been able to give you so far?

NO: Nothing, they've refused to speak to us, they've blanked us in the street... they've kind of given us creative control over most things, we've been able to do the artwork for the single ourselves, we got to choose which song we were going to release as a single as well, so in essence they've done nothing at all! Earls has been passing on his best one liners to us, but we haven't used any of them yet. They're too rude to mention. I can only think of my own bad one liners.

GS: Give us a one liner then.

NO: Get in the car! i just cruise round Cambridge shouting it out.

GS: John Earls is a bit of a hero for me, having read Planet Sound for years...

(Just then, John Earls appeared. There is laughter at the timing of his appearance. I wonder how long he's been standing there.)

GS: What's he been like to work with?

NO: Very good, you know, I read Teletext for ages, for the last couple of years I was reading all the demo reviews and laughing at them, so I thought we'd send in a demo just to see what he would say, and fortunately he gave us a really good review. He's been very laid back, writing for Teletext and The News Of The World he's got press contacts, and we've already appeared in the Daily Star and The Sun.

GS: Any aspirations to appear in broadsheet papers?

NO: I think we should go for the Express, before we start thinking about the broadsheets, but not a whiff of the Grimsby Telegraph yet, which is unfortunate as that's where I'm originally from. We started to look for a label, and everything seemed to happen at the same time with WET Records, so it was easy to sign with them. We had a bit of interest before we'd really had a chance to play live a lot and got the experience in the tough crowds of the Cambridge bars.

DS: It's all been building for the last year, rehearsing, recording and getting to the stage that we are at now.

NO: We didn't want to do anything in the first decade of the 21st century.

RY: We want to be the first great band of the second decade. 

NO: The tennies or whatever they'll call it. If you bring out a record in the first decade it's going to be shit, so we want to be in the next decade. 2010 onwards.

GS: We can't wait that long! Nick and Rich met at university over a shared love of the film Labyrinth... 

RY: That's right, how did you know that? 

GS: I read it somewhere, I've done my homework.

RY: I thought that was a secret between us!

DS: Has that ever been out in the public forum before?

RY: In Nick's flat, in his toilet, there's a figure of Jareth sitting on his cistern, just staring at you.

GS: That must give you stage fright. Who do you think needs a good dunking in the Bog Of Eternal Stench?

NO: Oh, I've got a massive list.

GS: Who's at the top of it?

NO: (pause for deliberation) Ashton Kutcher. 

RF: Yeah I hate him as well.

NO: Hopefully he'll burn. Anyone else?

(Silent thoughts and chin scratching.)

NO: The rest of the band is far too diplomatic. If Ashton Kutcher ever sets foot in Cambridge, he and I are going to go toe to toe, be it over a game of Scrabble or Top Trumps.

GS: What are your favourite Top Trumps?

NO: For Christmas, from Rich I got a Robert Ripley Believe It Or Not Top Trumps. I could take him at Top Trumps. 

GS: Do you think he'd understand the rules?

NO: I don't think Ashton Kutcher understands anything. I'm surprised he can walk. I think when he gets on set that strings are attached to him, and some kind of mechanical voicebox, and some computer generated twat program. 

GS: Obvious question - who are your musical influences?

RF: Maximo Park, obviously. 

NO: We've been compared to so many different bands, some we like...

GS: Any you disagree with?

RY: Snow Patrol. 

NO: We don't sound anything like Maximo Park, or Snow Patrol, or Elbow, but we like them. Interests are a difficult thing to pin down, I'd say Bowie, other than that, Mario Lanza, Placido Domingo, Jose Carreras, The Three Tenors. 

GS: If you were real-life Birdmen, what would be the first place you would fly to?

NO: Good question.

(Silence.)

NO: As you can see, I'm probably the best person to talk to about this! Stevenage for me.

RY: I'd go to Hitchin, which is next to Stevenage. 

NO: Luton. I'd probably go to Ashby-Cum-Fenby, a place in Lincolnshire, which has some really succulent cherry trees. 

GS: Good answer. What's been your best gig to date?

RY: Live 8?

NO: Yeah we were at Live 8. Probably the Globe in Cambridge, they always have a really good set up and sound there, so I'd say there. If you were to ask me that after this gig, hopefully I'd say this one.

GS: For anyone who hasn't heard you yet, how would you describe yourself in three words?

NO: Three words? That's just fascist. 

DS: Erudite. Jangly. Cautious.

RF: Concientious.

NO: Can we have three words each?

GS: I'll allow that.

RY: Low brow?

GS: Is that hyphenated?

NO: Can I have - sponge, riddling, and pert.

RY: Profane. That's as far as I got.

DS: Brad Pitt's Chin.

RF: Concientuous as I said before. Inspirational, and safe. 

NO: Can I have Ashton Kutcher's Death? I'm sure he's an avid reader of Gobshout.

GS: I hope so. Actually I hope not, he's not the sort we are trying to attract. 

NO: He Twitters all the time apparently. 

GS: I don't know why he Twitters all the time, he's going out with Demi Moore.

NO: Did you see he took a picture of her on the toilet and put it on Twitter, and there was some uproar, and that's just the kind of guy that Ashton Kutcher is. You know what, I haven't actually thought about Ashton Kutcher for about three years, got nothing against him, but tonight he's my worst enemy. 

GS: Maybe he's the special guest for the gig tonight. Who is the special guest?

NO: There were rumours of Editors, Elbow, but plans had changed.

RY: Because of frozen Britain. 

GS: Have you played in the snow?

NO: What, music, or just rolling round?!

GS: Frollicking. 

NO: Personally I hate the snow, I don't like seeing it, I don't like people having fun in it. I want to stay indoors.

RY: I don't want to ruin it.

NO: I got a train from Cambridge a couple of weeks ago wearing these boots, they've got no grip on them, and just stepping onto the platform I nearly violated five people, and actually violated two. So yeah, no fun in the snow, just accidental copulation. Maybe the special guest for tonight is a snowman.

GS: Or Ashton Kutcher dressed as a snowman.

NO: An Ashton Kutcher ice effigy, which we will smash with a pickaxe.

GS: You have about 30 songs written, any idea when an album could be made?

NO: No idea. We could release a triple album. It's gonna be like the White album, only beige in colour.

RY: Magnolia.

NO: The intention with the first album is to make something that's so self indulgent and drawn out that people declare us as geniuses or washouts.

GS: What was it like to record at Courtyard with Ian Davenport?

RY: Brilliant.

RF: He knows how to get the best out of you.

DS: We could happily record with him every day, forever, and never release anything. 

NO: Yeah he's a lovely guy, and also, I don't want to give away too much to other bands, but you can get discounts from Courtyard by giving them Fredo's. With a 15p Fredo, you can get a day at Courtyard. Bring a whole box, you got the album sorted.

GS: Any plans for festivals in the summer?

RY: I think Latitude. 

DS: Yeah Latitude is quite near to us.

RY: It's the best festival I've been to.

DS: And a few fetes as well.

NO: Village fetes in Grimsby and surrounding areas.

DS: We love a bit of bunting!

And there you have it. Ashton Kutcher baiting, Top Trumps and bunting. One of the most entertaining interviews I have taken part in, and I have taken part in more than one, though most of those were police interviews and thus not very entertaining.

Onto the gig itself. The Wilmington Arms is packed, not a surprise seeing as tickets for this sold out in just four hours. Surely some kind of record. They also do a very nice burger as well, and the drinks are *gasp* reasonably priced. Good start. The Incredible Flight Of Birdman are on first, welcoming frozen Britain before launching into The Frustration Of H, a cracking song to start with, with the bass driving it along nicely. It's evident early on that Nick is simply unable to remain still, hence the motion Tourette's from earlier. You can't help but watch as he dives around the stage, making beaks from his hands and generally making you wish that you were brave enough to do what he is doing in front of lots of people. The banter between songs is amusing, Nick was obviously born to entertain people, and fortunately for us it's through the medium of music. Also played are Vlad, which is fantastic with a shout that deserves to be echoed by audiences everywhere, the B side to the single We Are Made which is instantly likeable and heart stealing, with hooks that can stay in your head for days. For a band who haven't been playing together that long, it's remarkable how good they are so early on, which can be nothing but a good sign. The components are all in place for them; melodic guitars, bass that really punctures the air, and perfect drumming. The instruments aren't played with any real bravado or smugness, as there is no need for them to be, and the songs themselves are entertaining enough to bring them to a higher level anyway. And finally the single itself Where I Can't See You, a majestic slice of pie that is infused with all the romanticism of The Smiths and the finest ale this side of Cornwall. 

The night isn't over yet though, as Bicycle Thieves play after, and are an all new sonic assault on the senses. Sounding like Tom Smith of Editors singing in front of a cacaphony of noise that The Mars Volta would be proud of, they are well worth hearing. If there is a special guest, I'm afraid we miss them as we are forced to leave earlier because of the snow, but we are kept warm by the results of a fantastic night.

 

Posted In Features, Feb 01 2010. Words - Paul