Reaching the half century mark can be a monumental achievement in a mere mortal’s life. Imagine then how a living god would feel approaching this landmark after spending more than half their time in the limelight. This feat is due to be accomplished by two idolised musicians later this year.
The first goes by the name of (Stephen Patrick) Morrissey and I guess you are all familiar with him. The people that aren’t are unlikely to be reading this on the internet as they do not know it exists, along with gravity, sliced bread and reality TV shows.
The second may not be as commonly known especially if you are a fan of music. His name is Bryan Adams and unfortunately for the Canadian public he is one of the most famous performers to hail from their homeland in recent times. I won’t mention the diva that has managed to eclipse him for that title, but one of her songs was so bad that it sank the Titanic.
So how could someone this famous possibly go about celebrating their big 5-0? Maybe they could rebel and take a vow of celibacy before immigrating to America. Or what about recording a duet with Sporty Spice? No, this all sounds old hat. Being the men of the people they are, you might expect it to be just be a case of popping down to the local for a few beers and a game of darts. Instead of this both men have decided to carry on working by releasing a new album and cashing in on the celebrations.
Morrissey has taken it a step further and organised a gig in his hometown of Manchester on his birthday. A proportion of his disciples will view this as a reward for their loyal service, others as a cynical way of maximising profits. I just think that it sounds like a sickening recurring nightmare. The thought of a sweaty and topless old man boring me to death with a bunch of identical sounding songs, is not my idea of a great night out.
Adams on the other hand has yet to announce a tour date on his special day, but it only seems a matter of time. Maybe he will get Rod and Sting along for the ride and we can all dress up as musketeers. Hmmm, that also sounds a bit shit, think I might give that one a miss too.
When most people reach this period in life they tend to look back and assess their achievements, seen as these two will be busy entertaining I will do it for them. Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before, but Morrissey first made an impact on the music industry by writing letters to publications such as the NME (before they loved him, then hated him, then loved him, then hated him...) and Melody Maker.
He then focused his literary attention on writing books and displayed an emotion for being a passionate fan of the New York Dolls. He can now boast about having a legion of the most passionate fans in the business. Say one bad word about their Lord and you will be set upon by a pack of quiff-clad beasts that will immediately disregard their vegan morals and eat you alive. I am now the World’s Most Wanted Man and I haven’t even finished writing this article yet. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, The Smiths. Well the rest as they say is history.
Over to Adams and he first started playing in a band five years after the summer of ‘69. It was around this time that he met his partner in crime(s to music) Jim Vallance who he still co-writes with to this day. As with Morrissey and his gang the road to success was only a short one, although not as instant. It was album number three before he really started to make an impact on the American market, where The Smiths debut record hit number two in Britain. This could be attributed to the fact that Canada and the neighbouring USA are much larger places, and so a harder market to crack. Although it is fair to say that it is more down to the fact that his music wasn’t as good, or original.
In many quarters Morrissey is regarded as a genius for his lyrical content so it seems only fair to analyse both of their talents in this department. During his years with The Smiths the lead singer established a penchant for writing songs that had a bleak outlook on life.
Take one of their most famous and popular songs ''There Is A Light And It Never Goes Out'. In his own unique style he manages to put a new spin on the traditional love song with lyrics like: “And if a double-decker bus, Crashes into us, To die by your side, Is such a heavenly way to die. And if a ten-ton truck, Kills the both of us, To die by your side, Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine.” I am a fan of this track and I think he uses the lyrics well to portray his feelings better than most people could by writing a soppy love song. Generally I like a lot of The Smiths music, it is just his solo material I have a problem with. The quality of the bands final output has as much to do with the talent of Johnny Marr. The two of them are like cheese and pickle, just not the same unless they are used in tandem in between two slices of buttered white bread. Maybe not the latter part but I hope you catch my drift. Without the creative skills of Marr backing him up, Morrissey has never been the same. I believe his fans have put him on a pedestal so high that they have rendered their ears useless to recognising that he has been regurgitating the same old garbage for years.
Back to Adams, though, and on the similar subject of love scored his biggest hit by singing: “Look into my heart - you will find, There's nothin' there to hide, Take me as I am - take my life, I would give it all - I would sacrifice.” These lyrics are from the song 'Everything I Do, I Do It For You' which remained at the top of our single chart for sixteen consecutive weeks and became so annoying that the Crazy Frog seems hilarious in comparison. The main reason it grates so much is the amount of clichés he manages to stuff in the song. It is the equivalent of letting your cat out of the bag and setting it amongst the pigeons, before it dives into a small pond and eats a big fish, while awaking an old sleeping dog and failing to teach it a new trick. I think you understand the point by now. But tt least he is consistent and just about every song he has ever written embraces the subject of love in such a poorly described way.
Never mind all that though, we can forgive them can’t we? They are nearly fifty years old after all, surely they deserve some credit. So why don’t we all take a minute and raise a glass for the pair of them. Congratulations. Here’s to the next fifty. Now please just grow old quietly.
Stephen and Bryan gowing old disgracefully? Time to throw in the mic? Who'd win in a scrap?? Discuss in our FORUM...
Posted In Features, May 10 2009.
Words - Stephen