Look, we’ve all got an opinion on X Factor.  That’s the clever bit.  Cowell knows this, so does Cole, so do all those ingenious fuckers in the offices at Sony who have had the bright idea to sell every single live show performance (even those by Mary) on iTunes. You can’t knock it.  And it is exciting; you know it is, so do I.  If you can, just for a second, step back from any prejudices and preconceptions you may have about the affect its having on the music industry and take it as face value, its on another planet; it’s Disney, the American Dream and the day you lost your virginity all rolled into one. You can say all you want about the contestants –and much can be said yet, at the end of the day and Wagner aside, they are much better singers than you or I- but for each of these and by extension the 14 odd million people that tune in every week, watch every spot on ITV News and read every word excreted on the matter by the smarming sack of cancerous turd that is Gordon Smart, its the pinnacle. For these few months (if you’re Ray Quinn) and the years after (if you’re Leona Lewis) you have made it;  you are the name on everyone’s lips, the flutter in everyone’s hearts and its all a bit passe to have a go at X Factors disciples for thinking that so lets not bother eh?

What is relevant is the issue of talent for, if one is to believe the party line, X Factor is at heart a talent show and not just a shamelessly manipulative attempt to find/create that next pop sensation; to locate the gap in the market and find the perfect fit for it.  It doesn’t always work; the aforementioned Ray Quinn was not good enough at being the next Michael Buble to be the next Michael Buble; last years winner Joe McElderry has not done as well as previous victors, has the personality of a discarded tampon and as far as I’m concerned should be treated as such.  I rebelled when he won last year.  It was, as I saw it, an insult that after 5 months of emotional investment this snivelling, grinning little shite who’s conversational ability stretches little further than being able to thank his Mum for always making his bed and turning a blind eye should win what (whether you like it or not) is the single most important cultural event in the United Kingdom today.  Olly Murs’ output since coming second may have been pretty woeful, a kind of Nutini-lite, but at least at the time he had character. He had knowledge of the necessity to entertain rather than make our ears feel like they were being gently but insistently fingered by George Michael’s geisha boy.  So I rebelled and made a series of grand ‘I’m-not-watching-it-this-year’ type statements which, of course, I failed to adhere to and which have indirectly led to this very piece.

Because if X Factor truly is a talent show and not just a platform for Cowell to enhance his ego and enlarge his wallet, someone with talent, with something tangibly different, needs to emerge victorious from this years competition.  Its already pretty clear that this years top three will be made up of Rebecca, Matt and One Direction.  Now, we all know the benefit of appropriately placed dimples, floppy hair and nice shiny high tops, but One Direction really are not a very good band.  They were formed because of their collective inability to make it as solo singers yet don’t harmony well and realistically are cashing in on the fact that Cowell is looking after them and that three of them muddy the gussets of housewives as much as they do the pencil cases of 14 year old girls. 

Matt has a nice voice and a beard that the stylists keep just unkempt enough to keep him in the role of Everyman.  He seems like a reasonable chap, does endearing praying things with his hands when he says thank you to people and and, as it stands today, would be a universally popular choice were he to come out top. But its just not very interesting is it?  Its not really finding that person with this elusive X Factor (whatever that is), who offers something different to the thousands of other pub singers with a dream and a paunch. I think Aiden, despite the pretty boy looks and suburban quiff, was one of the two contestants to offer that.  Unfortunately he was a little too intense at times and didn’t have much in the way of natural charisma.

Which leads us to Rebecca who, if X Factor is to really reveal itself as a machine to unearth genuine talent, must win.  She has, and even if you are one of the legion of haters that (not necessarily without grounds but often without due thought) decry X Factor as a street sweeper of talent, an excellent voice; smoky, vulnerable, consistent.  She has a genuinely affecting rags to riches single mum backstory and appears to be offering nothing more than herself when onscreen.   A throwback to Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday and their ilk she also couldn’t be more current, and if she was to forge a career on the back of X Factor you can imagine her selling records that are more than syrupy covers of old karaoke standards, which surely is the point of the whole fucking charade.  A personal hunch is that she’s just going to edge out Matt in the final with One Direction going on to have a dead-eyed cover at number one within three months of the show finishing. But then what do I know?  I was convinced Danyl was going to win last year, under similar pretenses to why I’m backing Rebecca this.  Either way, tears are going to be shed, hearts torn, lifelong ambitions tossed into the dreamcrusher.  For once, though, it would be nice for it all to not to be in vain and for something genuinely original to emerge.

Posted In Comment, Nov 19 2010. Words - David