Kelly Clarkson has recently returned to the musical fold with her new album ‘All I Ever Wanted’.

      

You may be pleased about this, you may see it as nothing more than an aural nuisance, but for now that is by the by.   What is notable about the album is its lead single, the shouty/shitty pop rock number, ‘My Life Would Suck Without You.’  Notable the tasteful amongst you ask? Why in the name of the Almighty is this anything another than annoyance, typical of all that inhabits the Radio 1 A Playlist?  The answer, dear friends, is that ‘My Life Would Suck Without You ’, and more specifically its eponymous chorus, is quite possibly the worst lyric of all time.

       

The end of the songs chorus goes likes this:  'You got a piece of me/ And honestly/ My life would suck without you.'  Is that not horrible? Is that not tacky? Is that not a damning indictment of the Americanised molestation of the English language?

        

And yes, there is an argument that young Kelly is speaking in the vernacular of her fans, and therefore her (or her songwriters) lack of lyrical dexterity should be applauded as a sign of her oneness with those that pay her wages. But this could only be the argument of a Clarkson fan, or the content of the most ignorant of press releases. Because, and lets be honest here, it’s not.

        

But it did set me to thinking.  Is it really so bad to be dubbed one of the worst lyrics of all time? And, more pertinently, does not a certain amount of our reactions to a lyric depend on our own ingrained prejudices and sentimentalities?  Is 'my life would suck without you’ really any worse than ‘holy cow I love your eyes’ from ‘One Day Like This’ by Elbow (a lyric that I actually really love and find a very sweet despite, or perhaps because of, its exceptionally British tweeness)?  What about ‘ well I got  this guitar/ And I learned how to make it talk/ And my car’s out back/ if you’re ready to take the long walk’  from my beloved- and favourite ever- song ‘Thunder Road’.  Many will look at that and think what a load of chest beating tosh.  I look at that, get shivers down my spine and remember screaming it hoarse and foolish at the Emirates Stadium last summer.

         

Disregarding dance music or anything mildly psychedelic (which always look ridiculous at face value), a great deal of lyrics can be easily disregarded as poor on the page.  For instance, almost all commercial R n’B is absolute anathema to these ears.  Yet, for some reason, I love  ‘Turn Me On’ by Kevin Lyttle, despite it containing a chorus going ‘and let me jam you/girl wine all around me/you got me going crazy/ you turn me one/turn me on’.  Now you don’t need to be Samuel Johnson to know that that isn’t proper English, or Mozart to realise that the song is patently ridiculous.  Yet catch me half-cut listening to that and you’ll be embarrassed for me as I sing and booty-shake along. Why? The earliest recognition of the song is a trip to a friend at Bournemouth University as a green 18 year old and, though I’ve never been a fan of R n’ B, it was playing at his house at 6 in the morning.  So there’s clearly some kind of fond harking back to young-adulthood going on which, though it doesn’t excuse it, at least goes way to explaining my feelings towards that song. 

       

So, therefore, does this mean there is no such thing as a bad lyric? Absolutely not.  ‘My life would suck without you’ is still awful, just as ‘slowly walking down the hall/ faster than a cannonball’ is overblown and contrived.  Yet each -the latter to a whole generation- has appeal to the listener, who rationalises in a way that makes sense to them.  So just as Kevin Lyttle digs up personal fond recollections of a young manhood for me, so there is probably thousands of post-break up Clarkson fans wondering the suburbs today, humming that tune and thinking about how life really does suck without the object of their affections.  And that, at least, should be respected.

Do you agree? Should we respect people's reasons for liking the most horrible of songs? Is there ANY excuse for 'My Life Would Suck Without You'????????

Posted In Comment, Mar 15 2009. Words - David